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Australia. Chapter I: Am I travelling with a criminal?

Each New Year brings along new goals, new challenges and the same old jokes like:

– Hey dear, I haven’t seen you since last year!
– Ha ha ha! You are so funny… let’s not talk again.

Having said that… I haven’t posted on this blog since last year.

Hilarious joke, I know. But in reality, if I am correct, the last time I posted on here was on February of 2016. It’s not that I haven’t done anything interesting (as the title of this post suggest, I went to Australia), it’s just a combination of lost motivation and really overall laziness. I managed to find and excuse to not write quite often, I am pretty good at it. But since we are in 2017 I said, why not try to be more productive.  So here come one of the goals for this 2017, write more, not better, just more.

This was quite the introduction, I know. Right now you are probably feeling such joy and, almost certainly, a bit of arousal.  And it is about to get better because this is the first post of a three (four maybe?) post series talking about down under! And I am not talking about your mum’s lady parts, yet.

Let’s get right into it.  At the start of last year, my brother decided to leave us for a deadly beast infested country; Australia.  And that just meant two things. One, I could steal everything he left behind. And two, I had a new vacation destination.

So after getting the right visa, a friend of mine, Gerard, and I went to the airport to experience the longest flight ever. We spent more than 20 hours flying. This is the face before boarding:

Here you can see me full of joy and hope.
Here you can see me full of joy and hope.

And this one is after God knows how many hours on the plane:

Kill me.
Kill me.

Flying that long is kind of a weird experience. It feels like you enter a different time where everything blends together and all you can do is watch movies, eat, drink, and sleep. Saying it like this doesn’t sound bad at all. But it is. Especially if you have to pee and you have a window seat and the person in aisle seat doesn’t move in the whole flight. Like, what the hell men! Are you wearing diapers or what?

The good thing about the window seat is that you can look outside and it looks cool:

Is that Australia already? Please, let it be it.
Is that Australia already? Please, let it be it.

The problem is you can’t do that very often because the plane flies above the clouds and the lights are off. So if you have the brilliant idea to open the blinds you get blinded instantly, like I did. It’s like the sun just ejaculated in your face without a warning.

The other thing about those long flights is the security controls. You have to pass so many of them. And it is made worse if you travel with someone who, by some reason, is stopped at every control. My friend was stopped at the London airport, at Singapore (where they took away his scissors), in Australia they asked him not to take photos and, once inside Australia, when we took a home flight, he was stopped for a random control. The only logical conclusion is he looks like a criminal outside of Spain.

Now that I look at him, maybe they had a point.
Now that I look at him, maybe they had a point.

And this is going to be the first post. Now you are asking yourself, where are the photos of Australia?  Do not worry, in the next posts of this series there will be more photos, even kangaroos.

So, until next time! Or how they say it Down Under…  Until next time, mate! (Nailed it).